Dear Diary,
You already know me but allow me re-introduce myself. My name is Tobi Oluwatobi (meaning “God is great”), but you can call me Iyabee-Don’t ask me why. You can also call me Gideon, and I’ll tell you why. You can call me Gideon because I am a mighty [wo]man of valour but I’m afraid. Call me Gideon because though I cower at times at the sight of the calling on my life, His will shall definitely prevail.
Dear Diary, permit me for a moment to address this embodiment of God’s majesty, Oluwatobi: Girl, wyd? Why are you so afraid of manifesting? Others fear failure, you fear success.
You see, Diary, the other day I was just chilling with the Holy Spirit and our conversation sounded like this:
Me (To the One who declares a thing and it comes to pass): God, come on. I hear all you’re telling me but let’s be realistic here. (???)
Yahweh: Oluwatobi, I created you for everything grand. I created you to conceive greatness in your mind and to walk in greatness all the days of your life. I created you so that through your life, the world will know that I AM great.
Me (To the one who sees the inner parts of man and knows him better than he knows himself): Lord, I’m just going to act like I’m truly convinced and ‘hide’ my fears from you. That should make you happy.
Yahweh: No, darling. I’m going to flood my light in those dark alleys in your heart where you’ve hidden those doubts. We’re going to address them. I am capable.
Me: God, I think it’s better we just ignore this. What doubts? I’m good. At least, I still love you and I say “Amen” to Your Word.
Yahweh: But do you say it with your heart?
Me (To the One who doesn’t change): God, maybe I’m just delusional. I know you said A, but perhaps you mean B?
Yahweh: I am the Lord. I change not. I AM THAT I AM. I want you to open your mouth and declare it. Tell it to the world. Keep saying it till you’ve convinced yourself because it’s not a matter of likelihood. This is your destiny but I need you to act accordingly. I just need you to accept it. I formed YOU purposely for greatness.
I delight in you! You are precious to me! I rejoice over you with singing…”
Me: Stop, you’re embarrassing me.
Yahweh: Say it
Me: People are watching. I’ll look crazy
Yahweh: Declare it!
Me: Okay, I hear you. Chill. I get what you’re saying but look at little me. I can’t even get my life together. What can I do?
Yahweh: Oluwatobi, it’s not about you. It’s what I can do through you. You’re my specially chosen vessel. My power is made evident in your weakness.
Me: Wow okay I see how committed you are but before we go further, I just want to tell you a few things about myself so if you feel like this might hinder our relationship, you can walk away.
Yahweh: Go on.
Me: I have abused your temple and placed the perception of my worth in the hands of another. I have let loose and lived a double life. Good girl in the day, freak by midnight. I have lifted up holy hands with a filthy heart. I have had heavy doses of lust and pornography, and overdosed on jealousy and bitterness. I have worshipped money and idolized Beyoncé. I have craved attention in all the wrong ways and I have given up on you completely even when I heard you calling my name. I have felt violated for years, I’ve held on to resentment towards him and I still won’t talk about it. I just wish I could have had a cleaner record to be more useful for you.
Yahweh: Come into my embrace, let’s talk. Remember the day you surrendered? You wept like a baby but we were rejoicing in heaven. I have forgiven you. I don’t even remember your sins. You are as a spotless bride in my sight. When my Son died for you, everything was sorted out. I’ve got your back. Your case had a lot of issues but that’s all gone now. No matter what you do or where you go, I can’t stop loving you. If you offend me, I will correct you because I love you. I’m your Daddy. Nothing can ever separate us. My hand is upon your life. You are my special possession.
*silence*
Yahweh: Oluwatobi, is there anything else?
Me: No Lord, I think that’s it. I’ve let it all out. I love you.
*whispers* I love you more.
Therefore, I cast all my doubts unto Him, the author and finisher of everything-myself included.
(All these apply to you too, reader)
Tobi Tayo is an aspiring PTA Chairman/Headmistress and second year student studying Economics and Global Development Studies at Western University, Canada. She is passionate about Jesus, food, education and Nollywood. When she’s not thinking of what to have for dinner, she loves to encourage people and disturb Snapchat.
Facebook: Tobi Tayo
Snapchat: generaltayo
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SANDRA ADEYEMI 